my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
