He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
