Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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