Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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