i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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