I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
