Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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