My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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