So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
