dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
