Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
as a side note pls kill me
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
