She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the day after is always just damage control
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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