Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
