she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Everything about him screamed your future.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
