Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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