I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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