I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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