So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
