I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
