I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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