I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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