all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
