Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
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I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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