Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
