I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
