Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
