im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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