He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
