So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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