Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
