i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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