If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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