Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
