OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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