When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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