did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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