You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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