you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
