people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm at about main and main street
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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