I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
