Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
