It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
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He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
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You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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