First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
