Just cropdusted the office
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I did not marry a roomba.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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