Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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