shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
