where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
