I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
