Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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