i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
As shirtless as possible
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Please don't give away my fajitas
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
