things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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