I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
