I'm gonna have a badass scar
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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