plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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