The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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