Yo dont text me then not text me
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
