Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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