if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just gargled with NyQuil
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
