apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
do nipples grow back?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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