Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
it's like iHOP with fire
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
