i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
