Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
