I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
