you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
