He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I think i got beer on your cat.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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