How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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