Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
