The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
