there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
