You made me cry and you don't even care
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
