I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
