Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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