i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
