I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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