omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize