all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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