whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
