Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
