Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.

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(480): View more from Arizona

he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him

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(585): View more from New York

Why was I handcuffed to the roof?

(518): View more from New York

It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...

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(319): View more from Iowa

I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card

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(516): View more from New York

look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?

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