I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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