Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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