so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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