he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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