I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
