So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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