Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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